Piss & Moan
2003-03-22 @ 10:30 p.m.
So sorry it has been so long since I last updated. I am just not doing well right now and writing about it actually does not help. I am overwhelmed with my life.
School is driving me crazy. I want to give up. I am not cut out to be a nurse.
Velvet has been more trying than usual. She really likes to mess with Aaron and then Aaron gets mad and yells. Then I have to try to calmly send Velvet to her room plus remind Aaron that we don't yell.
I still have my many concerns about the baby and preterm labor that nobody takes seriously.
There is something wrong with my car. Sometimes it will not start. It is not the battery because the CD player or radio still works. The engine just does not get any power. I don't have enough money to get it fixed.
My regular clothes barely fit any more. It will be less than two weeks I am sure before I need maternity clothes, but I don't have enough money to buy any.
I have been constantly thinking about the other children. The ones I will never know. The one living somewhere that I have not received pictures of in over a year. The one I chose not to have. The one I was not able to carry. Everyday something reminds me that this is actually my fifth pregnancy and I only have Velvet and little bambino to show for it.
I have also come to the realization that Aaron and I cannot afford a wedding. We will more than likely end up going to the court house and getting married. Oh, well. Planning a wedding is an added stress I do not need right now, but how do I tell everyone we already invited that there will no longer be a wedding on January 3rd?
On top of everything else I have a nasty head cold. I just feel like whining today I guess. Sorry about this entry.