My Mom's Side
2003-08-21 @ 12:30 a.m.
I got a letter from my maternal grandmother today and it was very impersonal and cold. It is more than likely my fault, but it still hurts.
See my paternal grandparents adopted me and my maternal grandmother was never happy about that, but she did realize that my mother was unable to take care of me at the time. When I lived in Georgia, I used to visit my maternal grandparents at least once a month. We moved to New Mexico when I was eight and that was when I started losing contact with my mother's side of the family.
I have only seen my grandmother once during my seven years in Pomeroy. We have corresponded through letters during the holidays, but that is all. So when I became pregnant with Velvet, I did not know how to tell her. I did not want to be held in the same regard as my mother, who has always been considered the "blacksheep" of the family. Therefore I never mentioned it. I did not lie, I just left the hugest part of my life out of our correspondence.
This past Christmas when I was talking to my aunt (mother's sister)/godmother, she heard Velvet in the background. She of course asked who was talking and I would not lie so I told her it was my almost four year old daughter. She told her mother and ever since then communication has all but ceased.
I know I was in the wrong not to tell them, but when it happened I was young and scared. As time passed, I felt bad for hiding Velvet, but did not know how to remedy the situation. I knew I would tell her eventually, it just never seemed like the right time. That's how it always goes though, isn't it?
I miss the other half of my family. I wish I knew what to do to make things okay between us.