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Rubin's 3rd Birthday
2003-08-26 @ 12:32 a.m.

So today (yesterday by the time I finished writing this) is Rubin's third birthday. Of course no one remembered this. I mean, I am the only one who thinks about him at all out of my friends and family. For the most part they act like he never ever existed. Occasionally I am asked if I have received any pictures or letters recently, but that is the extent of their concern about him.

So once again I suffer in silence. I take longer than normal showers so I can cry without anyone knowing. Crying myself to sleep has become my bedtime ritual for the last 8 days. I don't care what anyone says, I will never forget. I may be able to move on with my life and appear to be fairly sane but, I will never forget that little boy. How could I? He is a part of me and I loved him from the minute I learned of his existance. My heart will always ache for the baby I left in the hospital. God, why does something that was supposed to be so good for everyone involved have to hurt so bad?