Long Time, No Write
2003-08-31 @ 10:50 p.m.
I have not had much time to update recently. I have been trying my hardest to write a letter to give to Rubin when he is old enough for us to meet. So far I have about ten wadded up pieces of paper in the garbage and three around it. Nothing I write seems to articulate exactly how I feel and sometimes too much of what I feel is expressed. How can I tell him I miss him and wish things could have been different, without blatantly stating what I feel in my heart. That the whole adoption was the biggest mistake of my life. That I should have been stronger and fought harder. That I should have sought support instead of giving in when my family would not give me any. This is so hard.
Aside from that things have been good. Aaron's aunt and grandmother (on his mom's side) were here for the Labor Day weekend. We spent quite a bit of time with them. They brought a huge suitcase of clothes for the kids and a couple of toys for each of them. They even bought a shirt for me. I was so pleased because I am in dire need of clothes. Aside from the maternity clothes I purchased while I was pregnant, I have not had new clothes since my birthday last year on September 15th (yeah that was a shameless birthday plug). Aaron's grandmother is a neat woman. She tells lively stories about when the Aaron and his brother were younger. She has over three thousand books in her house and she even recently finished writing a book that she is in the process of printing and promoting.
Today, we went to Lewiston. It was fun as usual. We went shopping and got some good deals on end of summer clearance clothes for the kids. Then we got some subs from Quizno's (rubbing the belly good) and went to the park by the river for a picnic. While we were there we also picked a bunch of blackberries. I hoping to make something with them. I need to be inspired first.
I have a bunch of pictures to share, but we left the camera over at Aaron's mom's house. So maybe tomorrow.